Preparing for Marriage

Something that I really found interesting this week in class was our discussion about dating and cohabitation.  I know a few people who have cohabited and for some it has worked, and for others it hasn't. It led me to wonder what made certain relationships work and others fail.  I looked at a cohabitation relationship that worked and one that didn't.  I realized that the relationship that had failed was between people that were much younger than the ones whose relationship worked.  I really think that cohabitation can work if people set aside their pride and are willing to work together.  It's important to merge your accounts once you get married.  This helps to unite a couple in marriage and bring them even closer together once they bring themselves together.

Gender Roles

I do believe that men and women are extremely different.  However, I believe that we are much more alike than we realize.  Now days, a woman can choose any career that she wants.  I guess in a way, I am a feminist.  I do believe that there are major differences between men and women, but I believe those differences to be more divinely associated.

Society often pushes for boys to be one way and girls to be another.  Many people look at the times when they grew up and try to raise their children in the styles that they were raised. However, society and people are much different now than they used to be.  It's acceptable for a woman to work and not stay home with her children.  I believe that this also depends on what part of the world or even the United States you live in.  In the Samoan culture, men wears "skirts" known as lava lavas.  In their culture, this is completely acceptable.  If a man were to walk around Rexburg, Idaho with a skirt on, he would be judged in a second.  I believe that the real issue that we are struggling with is acceptance.  People are not willing to accept that the world is changing and it is becoming more acceptable for women to do things that were strictly for men.

I really don't think that there are certain responsibilities that should be strictly for your sons or strictly for your daughters.  Growing up, none of my siblings or myself had a list of chores.  When something needed to be done or we were asked to do something, we just did it.  If we would complain, my mom would say, "You live here just as much as the rest of us and you are a part of this family just as much as the rest of us are, so, you need to help."  After she said this, we knew she was right so we really couldn't argue with it.  The only defense we could think of was "But that's not mine." and she would tell us that we need to serve others out of love.  As a child, this taught me to love others and brought a deep sense of compassion into me.

What do you think? Does gender really make a difference in your family relationships or how you were raised?

Are you truly better?

This week was focused on culture a lot and I got to thinking, "Am I truly better than someone else?" I challenge you to ask yourself the same question.  Truly put some thought into who you are and where you stand morally and culturally.

I believe we use the terms "equal" and "culture" way too loosely.  Some cultures may argue that their ways are better while some may argue the other way.

I don't think that any cultures will ever be "equal" in the sense of right or wrong.  We are raised by our parents—and in our case, our church leaders—to know what is morally right and morally wrong.  However, since we all come from different backgrounds, how do we determine what is acceptable and what is not?  Also, we try to live according to society’s standards of what is right and wrong.  We should focus more on what the Lord wants us to become.

Once we claim one set of values to be better than another, we begin to become filled with pride.  Even in the church, we should never believe that our values are better than others. We are raised to certain standards and should not put other people down because we do not believe that their standards are as “high” as our own.  It is morally wrong to say that someone’s beliefs are lesser than yours.

What I found interesting was from Tammy’s story found at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8VXrHeLqBA&feature=related

I thought it was sad that even though Tammy is trying her best to give what she can to her children she is still looked down on.  Just when she is walking to work she is being called names such as a “trashy bitch”.  This breaks my heart.  Nobody should have the right to treat God’s children like they are less.

John 13:34 reads, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.”

Theories of the Family

This week in class, we discussed the different theories of the function of the family.  Which of these most applies to your family?

-Systems Theory: View as a whole. Each person influences each other. Your role in your family has an effect on your other siblings and even your parents and the function of your family. Everyone functions by rules as well. “Certain things aren’t talked about.”  Together the family is like a machine. When one piece moves, the other pieces move. However, the machine cannot function with a missing piece.  Feedback loops.

-Exchange Theory: Costs are lower than rewards. People are always weighing out what they get out of a relationship and they feel if they do not receive what they invest, they are likely to become overwhelmed and divorce. BALANCE

-Symbolic Interaction Theory: It has to do with what it means to you. What you value. People create meaning out of experiences.  The way you view behaviors.  Everything you do, means something different to someone else.

-Conflict Theory: Two cars colliding. There are only so many resources, those who have the ability will get the resources. This idea “somehow you have two people who are intelligent, they are going to have differences of opinion and they’re having to work it out. Sometimes they collide, but they find subtle ways to influence each other and make it work. Power maybe overt or subtle, but all couples/families find ways to resolve differences.

I found that my family is most likely to be in the Systems Theory.  We all work together as a team to make our family work.  However, there are certain parts of each theory in my family.  One just seems to be more predominant than others. Where do you fit?