Stresses in Marriage

This week in class we talked about some of the stresses in marriage.  When I realized this would be our topic, I was actually pretty excited.  Because I am such a realistic thinker, I think of all the pros and cons of living with another person when I think of marriage.  I also worry about taking care of family.

My main concern is finances.  I realized after talking in class that most issues can be solved through discussing them with your spouse.

Brother Williams said, "If we could see the depth and scope of family, I think our view would be much clearer."

This reminds me to take a step back and realize that each family is going through their own stresses.  How can you best deal with the stresses in your own family?

Marriage

Since I didn't really know what to title this entry because there is going to be so many different topics in it.  However, since they all relate to marriage, that is what I decided to title it.

This week on Monday we learned about who was most likely to get married.  This is what we discussed:
∙Most likely to marry:
-People who came from a family where they saw success in marriage
-Religious People
-Educated People (however, non-educated people are more likely to marry younger than those who are educated.

∙Males are more likely to marry when they feel financially stable.

We also talked about questions to discuss before you get married.  These are just a few that came up but really got me thinking: 

∙Will the wife change her name?

∙What will the division of labor be?

∙Will you have children? If so, how many and when?

∙If you have children, how will you divide up the child care responsibilities?

∙What kind of discipline will you use?

∙What will you do about housing? Will housing decisions be made in light of the husband’s career, the wife’s career, both or neither?

∙Who will be the primary “breadwinner”?

∙How will you observe holidays?

∙How will you address frustrations or concerns with your spouse?

∙Whose opinion will prevail if there is a difference in opinion?

For our mid-term this week we were required to read an article about voting for gay marriage rights.  It's interesting because every time I think I have my mind finally made up about my opinion, I read an article that proves other great points to consider. Here is the link to the article.  It is pretty short and very interesting.

http://www.dennisprager.com/why-a-good-person-can-vote-against-same-sex-marriage/

Please make sure you consider all opinions and questions before deciding what is morally correct for your family and society.

Preparing for Marriage

Something that I really found interesting this week in class was our discussion about dating and cohabitation.  I know a few people who have cohabited and for some it has worked, and for others it hasn't. It led me to wonder what made certain relationships work and others fail.  I looked at a cohabitation relationship that worked and one that didn't.  I realized that the relationship that had failed was between people that were much younger than the ones whose relationship worked.  I really think that cohabitation can work if people set aside their pride and are willing to work together.  It's important to merge your accounts once you get married.  This helps to unite a couple in marriage and bring them even closer together once they bring themselves together.

Gender Roles

I do believe that men and women are extremely different.  However, I believe that we are much more alike than we realize.  Now days, a woman can choose any career that she wants.  I guess in a way, I am a feminist.  I do believe that there are major differences between men and women, but I believe those differences to be more divinely associated.

Society often pushes for boys to be one way and girls to be another.  Many people look at the times when they grew up and try to raise their children in the styles that they were raised. However, society and people are much different now than they used to be.  It's acceptable for a woman to work and not stay home with her children.  I believe that this also depends on what part of the world or even the United States you live in.  In the Samoan culture, men wears "skirts" known as lava lavas.  In their culture, this is completely acceptable.  If a man were to walk around Rexburg, Idaho with a skirt on, he would be judged in a second.  I believe that the real issue that we are struggling with is acceptance.  People are not willing to accept that the world is changing and it is becoming more acceptable for women to do things that were strictly for men.

I really don't think that there are certain responsibilities that should be strictly for your sons or strictly for your daughters.  Growing up, none of my siblings or myself had a list of chores.  When something needed to be done or we were asked to do something, we just did it.  If we would complain, my mom would say, "You live here just as much as the rest of us and you are a part of this family just as much as the rest of us are, so, you need to help."  After she said this, we knew she was right so we really couldn't argue with it.  The only defense we could think of was "But that's not mine." and she would tell us that we need to serve others out of love.  As a child, this taught me to love others and brought a deep sense of compassion into me.

What do you think? Does gender really make a difference in your family relationships or how you were raised?

Are you truly better?

This week was focused on culture a lot and I got to thinking, "Am I truly better than someone else?" I challenge you to ask yourself the same question.  Truly put some thought into who you are and where you stand morally and culturally.

I believe we use the terms "equal" and "culture" way too loosely.  Some cultures may argue that their ways are better while some may argue the other way.

I don't think that any cultures will ever be "equal" in the sense of right or wrong.  We are raised by our parents—and in our case, our church leaders—to know what is morally right and morally wrong.  However, since we all come from different backgrounds, how do we determine what is acceptable and what is not?  Also, we try to live according to society’s standards of what is right and wrong.  We should focus more on what the Lord wants us to become.

Once we claim one set of values to be better than another, we begin to become filled with pride.  Even in the church, we should never believe that our values are better than others. We are raised to certain standards and should not put other people down because we do not believe that their standards are as “high” as our own.  It is morally wrong to say that someone’s beliefs are lesser than yours.

What I found interesting was from Tammy’s story found at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8VXrHeLqBA&feature=related

I thought it was sad that even though Tammy is trying her best to give what she can to her children she is still looked down on.  Just when she is walking to work she is being called names such as a “trashy bitch”.  This breaks my heart.  Nobody should have the right to treat God’s children like they are less.

John 13:34 reads, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.”

Theories of the Family

This week in class, we discussed the different theories of the function of the family.  Which of these most applies to your family?

-Systems Theory: View as a whole. Each person influences each other. Your role in your family has an effect on your other siblings and even your parents and the function of your family. Everyone functions by rules as well. “Certain things aren’t talked about.”  Together the family is like a machine. When one piece moves, the other pieces move. However, the machine cannot function with a missing piece.  Feedback loops.

-Exchange Theory: Costs are lower than rewards. People are always weighing out what they get out of a relationship and they feel if they do not receive what they invest, they are likely to become overwhelmed and divorce. BALANCE

-Symbolic Interaction Theory: It has to do with what it means to you. What you value. People create meaning out of experiences.  The way you view behaviors.  Everything you do, means something different to someone else.

-Conflict Theory: Two cars colliding. There are only so many resources, those who have the ability will get the resources. This idea “somehow you have two people who are intelligent, they are going to have differences of opinion and they’re having to work it out. Sometimes they collide, but they find subtle ways to influence each other and make it work. Power maybe overt or subtle, but all couples/families find ways to resolve differences.

I found that my family is most likely to be in the Systems Theory.  We all work together as a team to make our family work.  However, there are certain parts of each theory in my family.  One just seems to be more predominant than others. Where do you fit?

Guilt of Parents

This week during our regular studies for class, we were required to do 2 hours of our own research on whatever topic interested us.  I researched troubled teens. One of the first articles to pop up talked about the guilt parents felt for their misbehaving children.  The study was interesting because the parents were not allowed to talk about guilt, but whether or not they were good parents.  What I found was the parents who had children that acted out the most and got in the most trouble, were the parents that said they were great parents.  I also found a correlation between parental involvement in a child's life and student success.  I'm not stating any of these as facts, but I found it ironic that the more a parent was involved with their child, the more successful the child was as a student.

Is being gay a choice?

This is a highly discussed question.  Here is a video that really opened up my eyes on whether we choose or not. Hopefully this will give all of you some insight.  I really enjoy the reactions and realizations people in this video have.  Having same gender attraction is a real struggle that many people deal with.  The difference is whether people choose to act on their urges or not, just as any other temptation.  This is my personal view.

It all started with a key....

So, the other day, a few of my roommates--Arianne and Alesha--decided to go to Walmart to make copies of our keys.  When we arrived, we had no idea what blessings and goodies we were in for.  Walking in, we naturally started shopping and looking at the pajamas.  Reminiscing on our childhood, we started talking about footsie pajamas and how cool it would be have them in our size.  I began to tell them how they are still produced and then I stopped.  Far across the store, hanging on the spotlighted rack, I saw it.  A Super Woman Onesie, cape included. I knew in that moment in time that I HAD to have it.  After waiting for what seemed to be an eternity, Alesha, Arianne and I finally got assistance to try on our new found pajamas.  We all agreed in a second that these were coming home with us.  After shopping around a little more, we traveled to the back of the store to get our keys made. Seeing three girls, the employee Keigan, a scronny kid that was obviously more than eager to help, came to our rescue...or so we thought.  He began by saying, "So, to warn you, I'm not really sure what I'm doing, but I can try." We decided to wait for someone to come teach him so that we wouldn't lose our only key copies.  While we were waiting, a woman walked up and I noticed she had a Mary Kay pin on.  I thought "Oh great, here we go. She's going to try to sell me stuff that I can't afford cause I'm in college." I did notice that she had a pan of cheesecake though.  She asked us if we wanted some free cheesecake. What college student doesn't turn down free cheesecake? To make things even better, she offered us a free facial! So I began thinking, "All this has got to be too good to be true. What's the catch?" She then, invited us to her meeting next week where we would receive free facials and free pedicures.  This could not get better! Then she told us if we brought a friend, we get a prize! I asked her what the catch was, but she told us we didn't have to buy anything if we didn't want to! After this, our keys were finished being made and we were leaving Walmart with free cheesecake, an appointment for free pedicures, free facials and another prize, not to mention awesome pajamas!  When we returned home, we tested our keys and immediately put on our pajamas.  We finished some homework and deemed the rest of the night as girls night.  We put on a movie and ate our free cheesecake in our new onesies. The night turned out to be way better than we could have ever possibly expected!

Introduction

Hello! I'm Allison and I created this blog for my Family Relations course. Throughout the semester, I will be posting my views on what we are discussing in class and also other events and memories. Please feel free to comment often and check out my other classmates' blogs!